Written by: Vickie Sullivan  |  September 15, 2020

How to Get to the Hard Truth of a Situation

One last post about my eye surgeries, then I will shut up about them. Promise!

As a systems person, I like knowing what to do. My approach: Accurately define the problem, which uncovers the best path forward. The conversations I had with my eye doctor reminded me that is easier said than done.

In order to define what needs to be corrected, we need to know uncomfortable things. And sometimes it isn’t easy to tell the truth — or to hear it. Two reasons why hard reality checks are elusive:

• Dodging is the default: No one likes to break bad news. So, it’s tempting to be vague at first, especially if you made a mistake. After my doctor gave a fourth explanation, I stopped him and asked, “Brutal truth, doc. What’s going on with my eye?” That’s when he told me about the wrong lens. What I learned: Ask upfront. Be specific. Then be quiet. Let them talk before you respond.

• Fear of what happens next: Doctors fear malpractice lawsuits, so it’s understandable why they are tempted to withhold unflattering facts. When I turned down the heat, I made it safer for my doctor to tell the truth. What I learned: The recipient sets the tone. If we come in hot, we will get an incomplete version. No one wins.

Listen: Two Ways to Make the Truth a Safe Bet

If the truth were cheap and easy, there would be no such thing as lying. We have to help people overcome their fear of telling uncomfortable facts, such as mistakes or false assumptions. The faster we make it safe to tell the truth, the faster we know what to do next. Truth shows up when grace invites it.

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